Let’s not play mind games……

Ever had someone give you the “silent treatment”? Ever given the “silent treatment”? Let’s stop this madness……

It’s a mind game that intends to try to control people. It may not seem like much, but look at what the “giver” is trying to accomplish. No words are spoken but the other person is left walking on egg shells. “What did I do?” “What’s the matter?”

It’s honestly yet another form of abuse, in my opinion. I wrote about abuse in the post The Damage Has Been Done. There is so much to say about abuse and all the aspects, forms and effects. Those worn down by humiliating actions or comments, by intimidating threats or by the silent treatment have basically had their trust betrayed. The primary effect in the future may be their reluctance to trust others. Emotional abuse diminishes self-esteem. Consequently, victims may have difficulty succeeding in other areas of their life where trust and self-confidence are necessary.

Along with diminished self-esteem, victims can experience anxiety, depression, anger, suicide, chemical dependency and eating disorders. I would like to say that I’m not affected anymore by the emotional and physical abuse I received from my ex, but I still carry some scars. It didn’t stop the day my co-workers moved me out nor did it stop when I was granted an emergency restraining order. I can still hear the insults and name calling, but I know deep down I’m better than that ~ better than him. I’m still struggling though with what a healthy relationship should be.

In the book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond, the author, Patricia Evans suggests the following as basic rights in a relationship.

• The right to good will from the other.
• The right to emotional support.
• The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.
• The right to have your own view, even if your partner has a different view.
• The right to have your feelings and experience acknowledges as real.
• The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you may find offensive.
• The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern what is legitimately your business.
• The right to live free from accusation and blame.
• The right to live free from criticism and judgement.
• The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect.
• The right to encouragement.
• The right to live free from emotional and physical threat. The right to live free from angry outburst and rage.
• The right to be called by no name that devalues you.
• The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.

To some of you, this list may seem like a “no-brainer”. But I know there are those that are on both ends of the abuse spectrum and you may be hoping and praying for these rights. So if we, however, are willing to tolerate negative treatment from others, is it possible that we may be abusive toward ourselves? What sort of things do you say to yourself? Do thoughts such as “I’m stupid” or “I never do anything right” dominate your thinking? Learning to love and care for ourselves increases self-esteem and makes it more likely that we will have healthy intimate relationships. So stop talking down to your self and begin to demand the rights listed above.

Remember though that demanding your rights while ignoring the rights others is selfish. Treat other with the same fairness that you demand for yourself. Maybe your life seems hopeless. You feel trapped. There’s no way to break free. BUT THERE IS!!!! Start by standing up for yourself. You have the power to change your future……lean on God. Let Him carry you through the battle.

The Damage Has Been Done

Abuse. What do you think about when you first hear the word? Broken bones? Bruises? What happens when there are no bruises? How do you tell someone you have been scarred when there is no physical scar to see? Emotional abuse is hard for some to understand. Sometimes those who are victims cannot make sense of it and find it hard to explain the abuse to someone else.

I was in an abusive relationship right out of highschool. I was eighteen and dating a guy who was 24. After dating a year I moved into an apartment with him. It was then the emotional abuse started, though I didn’t recognize it as abuse at the time.

Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at a victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in themselves and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance”, “teaching”, or “advice”, the results are similar. Eventually the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting that physical ones.

Victims of emotional abuse can be any age and it exists among every ethnic group, religious group, socio-economic class and education level. Examples of emotional abuse include:

• Cursing, excessive teasing, derogatory or harsh words
• Verbal threats to harm the person or a valued possession.
• Threatening actions, like waving a gun.

Other examples are:

• “You’re worthless, not one else would marry you”
• “If you love me, you’ll have sex with me”
• “If you leave me, I’ll get custody of the kids”
• “You’re crazy and people will believe me when I tell them that”

I was told that no one would want me because me breast were small and I needed to lose weight (even though I weighed barely 100 lbs). I came home one day to my closets and drawers empty. I’m not kidding, all of my clothes were gone. He had destroyed my clothes because he believed they were too sexy. I had to call into work the next day because I had no clothes to wear. (Of course I used the excuse that I was sick) I had no underwear, socks, pants, shirts -NOTHING!!! HE went to the store to buy me new outfits and then expected me to be appreciative. I later found out that he used my credit card to purchase the clothes.

Emotional abuse can occur alone or along with physical or sexual abuse.

The physical abuse didn’t start right away in my relationship with him but it did occur. Bruising on my arms from being held up against the wall. Hit on the back of the legs after being thrown down onto the floor. Forced to have sex with him so that it showed him that I was forgiving him.

Victims usually try hard to hide the effects of emotional abuse, but there are signs:

• Isolating themselves from family and friends
• Cringing when others yell or get angry
• Avoiding disagreements and acting compliant
• Rationalizing a partners bad attitude toward him or her
• Acting fearful around the abuser

I feel as though I lost two years of my life while in this relationship. He didn’t like my family, so we stayed away. He thought my friends were bad influences, so I gave them up. Thankfully, it was only two years, but if my friends and coworkers wouldn’t have stepped in and physically moved me out like they did, I don’t know if I ever would have left.

Abusive people are intimidating and manipulative whether they use their hand or their mouths. If you have a loved one, friend, co-worker, that you believe may be living in the world of abuse, emotional, physical, sexual…..please speak out. Please offer a hand. Show them that you are there and will help. Even if they turn you away, you may be their only lifeline when the get the courage to leave.

Prayer for our Leaders {On Voting Day}

Reblogged from simplystriving:

• 

Father, what an honor it is to live free.
Free from religious persecution.
Free from sin.
The enemy has no grip on me.
And neither does oppression. May I never take that for granted. Today, I get to exercise my right to vote.
It's hard to comprehend how influential one vote is.
To believe my opinion matters. But if I don't vote, someone else votes for me.

Read more… 217 more words

Lord, take back Your nation today!

Fight Another Day – It’s a Music Monday

Fight Another Day ~ Addison Road

Your broken dreams,
Your crazy schemes,
They always let you down.
The things we chase,
A hopeless race,
You’re breathless, off the ground.
From soaring highs to crash-and-dives,
A peace yet to be found.

But you could spend a lifetime running.
You could spend a lifetime running.

And do you feel the fire when the flame gets hot?
Are you living every day like it’s the last you got?
Will you step aside when it all falls down,
And watch it burn away?

Have a little faith when the walls cave in,
Pray for strength to fly against the wind.
Will you walk away when the fire gets hot,
Or fight another
Another day, yeah.
Another day, yeah.

Your fractured heart,
Your disregard,
It leaves you frozen still.
A slow withdrawal
From it all
That keeps you unfulfilled.

Will you spend a lifetime running?
Cause you could spend a lifetime running!

And do you feel the fire when the flame gets hot?
Are you living every day like it’s the last you got?
Will you step aside when it all falls down,
And watch it burn away?
Have a little faith when the walls cave in,
Pray for strength to fly against the wind.
Will you walk away when the fire gets hot,
Or fight another
Another day, yeah.
Another day, yeah.

Even when your heart’s been broken,
He’ll be there with arms wide open.
Be strong and his love will lead you to fight another day!

Keep your head to the sun cause it’s shining
Keep your head to the sun cause it’s shining, on you, on you
Keep your head to the sun cause it’s shining
Keep your head to the sun cause it’s shining, on you, on you.

You can listen to this song HERE

“When you have seen enough of the dark, turn and face the Son and the shadows will fall behind you”